Back, and more personal than ever!

I'm tired of offering explanations or excuses for why I haven't been updating my blog recently, so here's this once-and-for-all reason - Too Much Sex. All you whingey little bastards who've been poking me in the virtual backside during my extended absence (save the occasional entry on robot dinosaurs), are you happy now? You've dragged me away from several orgasms just so I can bang (ha!) out this entry for your few minutes of reading pleasure. Of course, I am not engaging in intercourse every minute that I'm not blogging, but I also include pre-sex and post-sex sessions, and also satisfying the hunger pangs and the time spent in the toilet and also sometimes, you know, work.

I joke! Though it doesn't mean I'm not getting any.

I am admittedly a seasonal or fair-weather blogger, the kind who only blogs when she absolutely has to, because A) she's really bored B) she's procrastinating over something else and C) she doesn't want to waste her Typepad subscription money. I know some jobless people have the time to blog every few hours or everyday, but I REALLY have nothing of merit to say sometimes. Would you like to hear my opinions on abortion or capital punishment? I thought not. Although I'm sure if I mention DAWN YEO, some of you losers will be immensely interested. Even though the whole debacle has died down, I'm STILL getting hits from 'Dawn Yeo' searches. How about I also mention NAKED PICTURES and FHM? Oh yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Mmm. Tentacle Sex. Anna Wintour. Victoria's Secret. Don't say I don't cater for all.

I realise it would be a heckuva lot easier if I just related whatever I did today, and yesterday, and the day before. If I embellished it with saucy details and vanity pictures, I'd be blogging every single day and also feeling slightly dirty about it. I don't believe in airing political views because it usually degenerates into flame wars, or someone else has already said it and much better, or I'd risk sounding extremely stupid, or some of you might be shocked at my lack of respect for human life. I don't chatter about celeb gossip because there are so many bitchy sites out there already, and I don't wish to be mistaken for a gay man. I do offer free music, although how many of you can actually be arsed to listen is a different story. Please leave feedback on the songs you like!

What never ceases to amaze me is how personal some blogs can be. Some of you can just pour your hearts out online for the whole frickin' world to see. I've seen many many stupid, pointless and downright boring ones, but also some that are touchingly beautiful and sincere, written as if it were meant for their eyes only. I envy those who can write in such an oblique fashion that the subject could be almost anyone, and yet those who know know. Those who broadcast every little detail and use patently obvious nicknames for their object of affection - I admire your balls and applaud your lack of shame.

I could never reveal too much of my personal life, humorous accounts of dumpy female hallmates not withstanding. Perhaps it's an adversion to being schmaltzy, or maybe a fear of appearing vulnerable. If I can't even tell my family how much I love them (and of course I love them...i just haven't gotten around to telling them yet), or I can't tell my boyfriend what's bugging me (don't worry sweetie, this is hypothetical!), to spill my emotional guts out to the wider world would be a positively herculean task. Ironically, I have no problems with telling a total stranger, or someone I'm not particularly close to, exactly how I feel - it's when I have to look a loved one in the eye and bare my soul, now that's the hardest thing in the world.

Sometimes I worry that underneath what is purportedly my emotional brickwall, coated with too many inches of cement and sprinkled liberally with broken glass bits, there's just a gaping valley where my True Feelings should be. If I suppose that what I show on the surface is what I really feel afterall, then that's all there is to me. You wouldn't have to know me more than a week because I'm never going to be anything more than that.

So, as I lie in bed with my boyfriend (hereby known by patently obvious nickname of Hairy) and he valiantly struggles to achieve some kind of emotional breakthrough with me, and while I valiantly attempt to dismantle the wall and undo many years of emotional stuntedness, I do have a secret fear that he's going to uncover one Russian doll after the next.

I guess that's my Emotional quota for now.

Comments

[jaaa]

wow. hairy must be helluva shrink.

[mike.w]

>Everyone< has to be known for more than a week. Surely! =)

[joey]

I like your site. You have a hardcore attitude and I'm all for that.

[henry]

nevermind how i got here, but i'd just like to say that i enjoyed reading this entry and your apparent resolution of your time in paris.

i haven't been out of the u.s. much, and thought that Paris might be worth a visit, but i'm afraid that your story has deterred me.

..weither that is a good thing or not i've no idea.

so, yes.
i thank you for your unabashed outpouring of emotion. cleaning of our life's gutters is most necessary. and for your blatant truth-speaking of the french capital, i applaud you.

have a wonderful life,
- Henry

[Onigiriman]

Hi, came by from RBJ where this entry was quoted... Hahhahaha, I think that's the best excuse for not blogging that I've ever heard! right on!

[Rara]

HAha. GREAT post! A first-timer here ;) Awesome site! xoxo!

[nicole]

helo.. dawn yeo is so passe. now is kung pau kitty you dunno meh. haha! GET YOUR VVVVIIIIISSSSSSSAAAAAAAAA i wont be around here forever!!